Saturday, 30 July 2011
My Most Memorable "I DID IT" Moment was this:)
Friday, 22 July 2011
Art Therapy saved Reshma Valliappan's Life from succumbing to schizophrenia (:
It all started a month before her 15th birthday. Reshma had an argument with her father earlier in the day, and that night, voices told her to get out. She cut her hair short, then stole away on a bicycle when morning came. I cycled from Klang to Seremban, and it suddenly hit me that I shouldn't be running away. I started to cycle back, but halfway through, had a breakdown. I started to cry and called my father and uncles to pick me up. Looking back, I don't know if the inner voices and my behaviour were just due to adolescence. After that incident, I would become completely spaced out - a term psychiatrists call "depersonalisation". I felt trapped and I was unable to figure things out. I would recognise people and surroundings but they were unfamiliar to me.
Reshma's parents took her to see a psychiatrist who , after a brief conversation, diagnosed her as a transexual! He asked me if I liked girls, and I answered that I studied in a convent school so I had no choice. He told me I could convert myself when I get older. I was like....what?It confused me terribly and I started reflecting that perhaps I was trapped in a girl's body. Then he told me to write my emotions down in letters and post it to him. Things only got worse and Reshma's parents decided to uproot the family to India for a change of environment. Alas, nothing changed. If anything, her condition worsened, Reshma went for counselling,smoked heavily, drank, took drugs and trusted no one. Everyone knew something was very wrong but nobody had the courage to do anything about it. I was a popular kid in school, so that helped my confidence but my mood swings continued, I would deliberately try to hurt myself, like taking a ball and slamming it hard onto my legs, but the voices disappeared. They probably couldn't get an air ticket to India! she chuckles.
Thankfully, Reshma managed to graduate with a degree in philosophy and enrolled in a post-graduate course in psychology. At 22, she hit rock bottom when she walked into the counsellor's room, whipped out a knife and announced that she was going to slit the throats of every student outside. I was in a state of psychosis. The counsellor was calm and asked me to start by slitting her throat. I screamed and started stabbing the table furiously before I got tired. She then called my Mom and asked her to come and get me,Reshma recalls.The voices returned with a vengeance and kept nagging her to do negative things, including killing herself. Finally, a visit, to the psychiatrist confirmed that she was schizophrenic. Reshma was put on various medications and all she would do was sleep 18 hours a day. She would awake feeling drowsy,eat and sleep again.She couldn't continue her education but because she was articulate,she was put on talk therapy. At home, she clammed up and refused to communicate.
At one point, I was taking 14 pills a day. The side effects were awful. I was gaining weight, my muscles would go into spasms, my speech would slur - I just couldn't function.So I would stop the medication ever so often and the voices would torment me again. But strangely enough, one day, as I was watching televisyen, they told me, "You bloody b****, go and paint!If I didn't follow the orders, they would torment me some more,"she says."They would tell me what colours to use,and if I couldn't find the colour, I would get disruptive and rip the painting apart. Once I finished my artwork, I would start to communicate. My dad noticed something was happening and bought tons of art material."
That marked the start of Reshma's journey to recovery. Painting was therapeutic, and on top of that, she started getting praises for her abstract work. Eventually, Reshma held art shows with friends and sold quite a few paintings. People have even commissioned her to do works!"When you hear a voice, you expect a face but when you can't see one, it's overwhelming for anyone. These voices have now become my guide, and when they tell me negative things like:"Reshma, go beat the crap out of that man." I don't react. Instead, I go into my room and start sketching the images that come to mind. I've learnt to work in sync with the voices. I don't market myself as an artist and am in no hurry to expand." explains Reshma, who currently resides in Pune, India.
In 2010, she completely stopped taking medications. She started going to the gym regularly and made more effort to speak to people. Reshma also sits on the consultation team that gives suggestions to the Indian Ministry of Health which is looking at making changes to the Mental Health Act.She says,"I have to live in both worlds and survive in them. I obviously cannot change any of them. Of course, I want to quit all the time. When I have mood swings, it's always something from the outside world that triggers it. I could kill myself but I realise I can offer more if I'm alive."Inspired by her story, Indian filmmaker Aparna Sanyal made a documentary about Reshma earlier this year.
The film, A Drop of Sunshine, charts Reshma's journey and eventual triumph over her condition. It questions the mainstream view of schizophrenics and suggests alternative ways of looking at the problem. Together with Sanyal, Reshma started Red Door (http://www.reddoor.in),a/ movement that encourages people to translate thought into drawing. All one needs is plenty of fresh air, a paintbrush and some paper.She has been organising events and randomly approaching people in the parks to encourage them to draw their thoughts."I do not play a therapist not a psychologist at Red Door. I simply show and guide you towards posibilities. Red Door is a bridge - an intersection. It'll show you how to cross over. Once you do, the roads are yours to choose."Much to her delight, Reshma recently obtained a seed grant from an international organisation to take Red Door to schools, colleges and offices."I still have a long way to go and am still recovering. I think schizophrenia is both a gift and a curse,but I've found how to deal with it creatively, " she concludes.....
Reshma's parents took her to see a psychiatrist who , after a brief conversation, diagnosed her as a transexual! He asked me if I liked girls, and I answered that I studied in a convent school so I had no choice. He told me I could convert myself when I get older. I was like....what?It confused me terribly and I started reflecting that perhaps I was trapped in a girl's body. Then he told me to write my emotions down in letters and post it to him. Things only got worse and Reshma's parents decided to uproot the family to India for a change of environment. Alas, nothing changed. If anything, her condition worsened, Reshma went for counselling,smoked heavily, drank, took drugs and trusted no one. Everyone knew something was very wrong but nobody had the courage to do anything about it. I was a popular kid in school, so that helped my confidence but my mood swings continued, I would deliberately try to hurt myself, like taking a ball and slamming it hard onto my legs, but the voices disappeared. They probably couldn't get an air ticket to India! she chuckles.
Thankfully, Reshma managed to graduate with a degree in philosophy and enrolled in a post-graduate course in psychology. At 22, she hit rock bottom when she walked into the counsellor's room, whipped out a knife and announced that she was going to slit the throats of every student outside. I was in a state of psychosis. The counsellor was calm and asked me to start by slitting her throat. I screamed and started stabbing the table furiously before I got tired. She then called my Mom and asked her to come and get me,Reshma recalls.The voices returned with a vengeance and kept nagging her to do negative things, including killing herself. Finally, a visit, to the psychiatrist confirmed that she was schizophrenic. Reshma was put on various medications and all she would do was sleep 18 hours a day. She would awake feeling drowsy,eat and sleep again.She couldn't continue her education but because she was articulate,she was put on talk therapy. At home, she clammed up and refused to communicate.
At one point, I was taking 14 pills a day. The side effects were awful. I was gaining weight, my muscles would go into spasms, my speech would slur - I just couldn't function.So I would stop the medication ever so often and the voices would torment me again. But strangely enough, one day, as I was watching televisyen, they told me, "You bloody b****, go and paint!If I didn't follow the orders, they would torment me some more,"she says."They would tell me what colours to use,and if I couldn't find the colour, I would get disruptive and rip the painting apart. Once I finished my artwork, I would start to communicate. My dad noticed something was happening and bought tons of art material."
That marked the start of Reshma's journey to recovery. Painting was therapeutic, and on top of that, she started getting praises for her abstract work. Eventually, Reshma held art shows with friends and sold quite a few paintings. People have even commissioned her to do works!"When you hear a voice, you expect a face but when you can't see one, it's overwhelming for anyone. These voices have now become my guide, and when they tell me negative things like:"Reshma, go beat the crap out of that man." I don't react. Instead, I go into my room and start sketching the images that come to mind. I've learnt to work in sync with the voices. I don't market myself as an artist and am in no hurry to expand." explains Reshma, who currently resides in Pune, India.
In 2010, she completely stopped taking medications. She started going to the gym regularly and made more effort to speak to people. Reshma also sits on the consultation team that gives suggestions to the Indian Ministry of Health which is looking at making changes to the Mental Health Act.She says,"I have to live in both worlds and survive in them. I obviously cannot change any of them. Of course, I want to quit all the time. When I have mood swings, it's always something from the outside world that triggers it. I could kill myself but I realise I can offer more if I'm alive."Inspired by her story, Indian filmmaker Aparna Sanyal made a documentary about Reshma earlier this year.
The film, A Drop of Sunshine, charts Reshma's journey and eventual triumph over her condition. It questions the mainstream view of schizophrenics and suggests alternative ways of looking at the problem. Together with Sanyal, Reshma started Red Door (http://www.reddoor.in),a/ movement that encourages people to translate thought into drawing. All one needs is plenty of fresh air, a paintbrush and some paper.She has been organising events and randomly approaching people in the parks to encourage them to draw their thoughts."I do not play a therapist not a psychologist at Red Door. I simply show and guide you towards posibilities. Red Door is a bridge - an intersection. It'll show you how to cross over. Once you do, the roads are yours to choose."Much to her delight, Reshma recently obtained a seed grant from an international organisation to take Red Door to schools, colleges and offices."I still have a long way to go and am still recovering. I think schizophrenia is both a gift and a curse,but I've found how to deal with it creatively, " she concludes.....
There are alternative and creative ways to deal with schizophrenia other than medication and conventional therapy.:)
Can't you see Casper floating around behind me?And a few dead dudes are lying on the bookselves. Say hi to Casper! says Reshma Valliappan, turning her half-Mohican cut,half-shaven head to look at her friends. I wave my hand animatedly.By the way,Casper is hanging out with Jasper,and they are discussing existential issues,she continues without batting an eyelid, making fun of her schizophrenic condition.Do you wanna join them? i ask,not wanting to distract her conversation with the "gang". We're talking on Skype and Reshma is shaking her head, laughing. "Not yet. Once I'm done talking to a real person - that's you - I shall join them for a bigger discussion. I see things that are not there, but you normal people don't even see things that are there!"she jokes, showing me the scar on her head.Reshma underwent surgery a month ago to remove a benign brain tumour the size of a tennis ball.
I had a series of convulsions,and an MRI revealed I had a tumour.I'm recuperating well and off the pain-killers now.We can talk,she says.On a good day, Reshma, 31, is bubbly, witty and full of life. On bad days, her mood swings can get so bad that all she wants is to shut herself in the room. She may act normal these days, but it has been a long road filled with frustratioin and effort to get to where she is today. Reshma was just 22 when she was diagnosed with schizophrenia. Hallucinations, being delusional, behaving bizarrely, disorganised speech and lack of interest in everything - these are among the symptoms she had to endure since she was a teenager. Schizophrenics hear voices in their heads,see "unreal" people and often times, believe some one is following or trying to hurt them.
After years of medication , therapy and counselling, Reshma has finally found ways to cope. Now she no longer takes medicine. Instead, she channels her negative energy and emotions into sketching and painting. Art has become her therapy, and she recommends it to regular people too. Mental illness happens to some of us - we have to live with it, and our families struggle along with us. But mental health is an everyday issue for everyone. Why limit therapeutic values only to those with an illness? she asks.
I had a series of convulsions,and an MRI revealed I had a tumour.I'm recuperating well and off the pain-killers now.We can talk,she says.On a good day, Reshma, 31, is bubbly, witty and full of life. On bad days, her mood swings can get so bad that all she wants is to shut herself in the room. She may act normal these days, but it has been a long road filled with frustratioin and effort to get to where she is today. Reshma was just 22 when she was diagnosed with schizophrenia. Hallucinations, being delusional, behaving bizarrely, disorganised speech and lack of interest in everything - these are among the symptoms she had to endure since she was a teenager. Schizophrenics hear voices in their heads,see "unreal" people and often times, believe some one is following or trying to hurt them.
After years of medication , therapy and counselling, Reshma has finally found ways to cope. Now she no longer takes medicine. Instead, she channels her negative energy and emotions into sketching and painting. Art has become her therapy, and she recommends it to regular people too. Mental illness happens to some of us - we have to live with it, and our families struggle along with us. But mental health is an everyday issue for everyone. Why limit therapeutic values only to those with an illness? she asks.
Wednesday, 6 July 2011
MY HOUSE : )D
Tuesday, 5 July 2011
Someone Like You - Adele (Cover)
I wish I'll meet someone like you.I wish nothing but the best for you.Sometimes it lasts, the love,sometimes it hurts..
"Procrastination" Tales Of Mere Existence
I didn't get my stuff done because I was distracted by so many other work that my mind was unto settling small things first before I start on the main mission of the programme which is to get my stuff done. It takes one day to clear the minor day and the next day entirely to get my stuff done. Finally, at the end of getting my stuff done, I heave a sigh of relief. I HAD DONE MY STUFF. I got my stuff done. HOORAY! :D
Friday, 1 July 2011
Myself.
Hi, I'm 42 years of age. Next year, I'll be at my turning point, whether to finally settle on a job, or go on a trip on an air-plane in April, my next birthday. I am surfing the net and my bills are paid. I like to get on the internet, to search the world on unlimited resources and to fly high across the internet, the vast blue ocean underneath the vast blue sky. I like to type, and I like to read what's on the screen in front of me, I like to surf and to seek new things around the globe. I checked the encyclopaedia for clues and explanations and I read wikipedias and all kinds of Britanicas. This is me.
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P.S. My hair has grown long.
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