Art Therapy saved Reshma Valliappan's Life from succumbing to schizophrenia (:

It all started a month before her 15th birthday. Reshma had an argument with her father earlier in the day, and that night, voices told her to get out. She cut her hair short, then stole away on a bicycle when morning came. I cycled from Klang to Seremban, and it suddenly hit me that I shouldn't be running away. I started to cycle back, but halfway through, had a breakdown. I started to cry and called my father and uncles to pick me up. Looking back, I don't know if the inner voices and my behaviour were just due to adolescence. After that incident, I would become completely spaced out - a term psychiatrists call "depersonalisation". I felt trapped and I was unable to figure things out. I would recognise people and surroundings but they were unfamiliar to me.

Reshma's parents took her to see a psychiatrist who , after a brief conversation, diagnosed her as a transexual! He asked me if I liked girls, and I answered that I studied in a convent school so I had no choice. He told me I could convert myself when I get older. I was like....what?It confused me terribly and I started reflecting that perhaps I was trapped in a girl's body. Then he told me to write my emotions down in letters and post it to him. Things only got worse and Reshma's parents decided to uproot the family to India for a change of environment. Alas, nothing changed. If anything, her condition worsened, Reshma went for counselling,smoked heavily, drank, took drugs and trusted no one. Everyone knew something was very wrong but nobody had the courage to do anything about it. I was a popular kid in school, so that helped my confidence but my mood swings continued, I would deliberately try to hurt myself, like taking a ball and slamming it hard onto my legs, but the voices disappeared. They probably couldn't get an air ticket to India! she chuckles.

Thankfully, Reshma managed to graduate with a degree in philosophy and enrolled in a post-graduate course in psychology. At 22, she hit rock bottom when she walked into the counsellor's room, whipped out a knife and announced that she was going to slit the throats of every student outside. I was in a state of psychosis. The counsellor was calm and asked me to start by slitting her throat. I screamed and started stabbing the table furiously before I got tired. She then called my Mom and asked her to come and get me,Reshma recalls.The voices returned with a vengeance and kept nagging her to do negative things, including killing herself. Finally, a visit, to the psychiatrist confirmed that she was schizophrenic. Reshma was put on various medications and all she would do was sleep 18 hours a day. She would awake feeling drowsy,eat and sleep again.She couldn't continue her education but because she was articulate,she was put on talk therapy. At home, she clammed up and refused to communicate.

At one point, I was taking 14 pills a day. The side effects were awful. I was gaining weight, my muscles would go into spasms, my speech would slur - I just couldn't function.So I would stop the medication ever so often and the voices would torment me again. But strangely enough, one day, as I was watching televisyen, they told me, "You bloody b****, go and paint!If I didn't follow the orders, they would torment me some more,"she says."They would tell me what colours to use,and if I couldn't find the colour, I would get disruptive and rip the painting apart. Once I finished my artwork, I would start to communicate. My dad noticed something was happening and bought tons of art material."

That marked the start of Reshma's journey to recovery. Painting was therapeutic, and on top of that, she started getting praises for her abstract work. Eventually, Reshma held art shows with friends and sold quite a few paintings. People have even commissioned her to do works!"When you hear a voice, you expect a face but when you can't see one, it's overwhelming for anyone. These voices have now become my guide, and when they tell me negative things like:"Reshma, go beat the crap out of that man." I don't react. Instead, I go into my room and start sketching the images that come to mind. I've learnt to work in sync with the voices. I don't market myself as an artist and am in no hurry to expand." explains Reshma, who currently resides in Pune, India.

In 2010, she completely stopped taking medications. She started going to the gym regularly and made more effort to speak to people. Reshma also sits on the consultation team that gives suggestions to the Indian Ministry of Health which is looking at making changes to the Mental Health Act.She says,"I have to live in both worlds and survive in them. I obviously cannot change any of them. Of course, I want to quit all the time. When I have mood swings, it's always something from the outside world that triggers it. I could kill myself but I realise I can offer more if I'm alive."Inspired by her story, Indian filmmaker Aparna Sanyal made a documentary about Reshma earlier this year.

The film, A Drop of Sunshine, charts Reshma's journey and eventual triumph over her condition. It questions the mainstream view of schizophrenics and suggests alternative ways of looking at the problem. Together with Sanyal, Reshma started Red Door (http://www.reddoor.in),a/ movement that encourages people to translate thought into drawing. All one needs is plenty of fresh air, a paintbrush and some paper.She has been organising events and randomly approaching people in the parks to encourage them to draw their thoughts."I do not play a therapist not a psychologist at Red Door. I simply show and guide you towards posibilities. Red Door is a bridge - an intersection. It'll show you how to cross over. Once you do, the roads are yours to choose."Much to her delight, Reshma recently obtained a seed grant from an international organisation to take Red Door to schools, colleges and offices."I still have a long way to go and am still recovering. I think schizophrenia is both a gift and a curse,but I've found how to deal with it creatively, " she concludes.....